1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
