Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
