threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
