I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
