my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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