you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
