I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
