booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
