I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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