but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
