How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
