your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
