i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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