I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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