This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she looked like the before picture.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
