is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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