We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
