I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
