just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
