yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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