guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
