I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
