There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
