My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
