Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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