Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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