just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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