I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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