my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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