i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
