No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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