sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
