dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
