do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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