My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
