Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
