so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
