2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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