y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
