Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
