can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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