i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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