3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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