Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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