My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
