There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
