We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
