Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
