oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
