You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
