Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
from now on my penis is your penis
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
