How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
