This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
